Moonlight

Tonight’s the first of the year
I can see the moon shine so clear
Though still partially hidden in clouds
Its beam comes through fresh and loud

I can see it from my room
Shining over the neighbors shed
Sometimes it casts shadows
Of trees across my bed

Of course, those shadows only come
In the beautiful summer nights
When there is nothing blocking its brilliance
When it is ever so clean and bright

Often times I find myself
Unable to stay awake
When I’m looking up at the moon
When I’m wondering at its make

God made the moon, of that there’s no doubt
But the question is why and how
No one knows how God does anything
But as to why, I think I know now

He made it to shine, countering the sun
He made it to gleam and glow
He made it soften the night’s opaque darkness
He made it so His light would show
Even in the dark.

How Far Gone

This is a piece I wrote a while ago, when I was really deeply thinking about some things.

Earlobes twice
Upper ear once
Nose, belly button
And a piece of art on a calf

These are her cries of freedom
These are her painted walls
These are what separate her from them
They don’t know all, but they will.

Afraid of heights, of animals and insects
A child afraid of the dark
Never one to get in trouble
Her brother the rebel of youth

Somehow traded places
He sings behind the pulpit
She hides behind the pews
Hoping to blend in where he stands out

No one knows her name anymore
Mostly, she doesn’t mind
But when she needs a friend
Most eyes turned to her are blind.

So music soothes her aching heart
The wailing lyrics touch her soul
She feels connected in a way
That nothing else has made her feel

Except once, years ago
At a youth conference, she remembers
The touch of God on her heart and soul
A calling to something greater.

She knows it’s her fault
She stands in her own way
No amount of therapy could change it
She is simply paralyzed in fear.

She has asked God for sign after sign
As if something must be proven
Before she can act. But she knows
That’s not how God works.

God gave humans free will
Choice is part of the equation.
He will continue to choose us
But we must also choose him.

My life is now a remnant
Of what it could have been
I have not chosen God
In every circumstance He has given

Why would I throw away something
That I knew was valuable beyond measure?
How stupid must I be
To ignore the Great Creator?

I am simply human.
I want my needs met now.
I want to know I will succeed
Before into the world I go out.

I want to know His plan
I’m a control freak, I’ll admit.
But the thing is, I can’t make heads or tails of it.
And that’s why I get so frustrated.

Time and time again,
My ears bleed to the words
“Trust God”, “He has a plan for you”
“He must care for you since he even cares for birds”

I believe these things to be true.
But somewhere in my heart
I feel like these words aren’t meant for me
Though I so badly hope they are.

I see the broken and empathize
I see the hurting and want to help
I see the lost and I see myself
How far gone am I?

Discovery

There is no manual.
Age 20 has no guidelines.
Parents still loom
Responsibility to groom.

Learning a balance
Difficult when of two minds
Which one is yours?
Which is abhorred?

Socially speaking,
Time is of the essence.
Time given to friends,
Means justified by ends.

Memories to make,
Stories to tell,
Pictures to share,
Souls to bare.

Constant changing.
Transition period.
Moving parts.
Developing hearts.

Windows into possibility
Keep you thinking why not me?
Why can’t I go, do, and be?
I suppose I’m still discovering me.

These Are the Golden Years

This is a piece I wrote in honor of my paternal grandparents on their 50th wedding anniversary. The party was themed in gold, so I thought I would follow suit.

Young and in love
Sweet serenity of times
Spent together at the start
These are the golden years.

Newlyweds and excited
Adventures and new horizons
Learning how to be together
These are the golden years.

Little feet hit the ground
Homes grow, jobs change
Figuring out how life’s meant to be
These are the golden years.

House is full, schedule’s busy
Driving round and round again
One’s here, another there, and somewhere in between
These are the golden years.

Empty house, moving forward
Graduations change the sound
Of the bustling house to silence, and yet
These are the golden years.

Little cries echo in hospital rooms
Hearts expand to twice their size
A new generation to remind us that
These are the golden years.

Pictures collected, and shown to friends
Pride in those you love
Enjoying God’s gifts and the people around
These are the golden years.

The rings on your fingers, older and worn
Show the love you have in your heart
Love for your family, love for each other
These are the golden years.

 

I Can’t Breathe

I can’t breathe.
There are so many things I want to say
To comfort those in pain
But nothing comes out right.

I can’t breathe.
I see the injustice every day
I read the stories, hear the news
But I am helpless to do anything

I can’t breathe.
I keep wondering why I was born white.
Maybe if I wasn’t, I’d understand better.
But I cannot choose the color of my skin.

I can’t breathe.
I know that being silent is just as bad
As being the person committing the act.
But I cannot speak when it is time to cry.

I can’t breathe.
I want to make people understand me.
I do not care what color someone’s skin is.
But no one cares to understand me.

I can’t breathe.
Politics squeeze every breath from my lungs
Forcing every word that tumbles from my mouth
To sound like I am a racially biased person.
The media wants you to think that I don’t care
That I do not understand your pain.
They’re right in that I cannot fathom it
But the fact that I am trying to understand shows I care.
I believe in my heart and my soul
God created each and every person.
He created them perfect in his eyes,
Therefore, who are we to judge who is better than whom?
We know nothing about each other and are unjust and unequal
God knows all and loves all unconditionally.

The time must be near
When God will breathe life back into his creation.
Because right now, amid policy and violence
Racism and injustice
Pain and suffering
We cannot breathe.

The Wall

Written in 2014.

I am the wall.
I stand on the outer edge.
I contain much some days.
Other days, I am empty.
Many people like to label me,
Pin their pictures to me,
Make me look how they want.
Honestly, I don’t mind.
My blemishes are covered.
That hole that’s been there years
Is covered by the paintings.
As long as only one layer is tacked,
Nothing falls, nothing slips.
The outer layers of posters and pictures
Tend to fall first,
Revealing the crumbling newsletters,
Pictures, and posters from years past.
When someone new sees me,
They either tack something on
Or clear me off;
Rearrange to cover my holes,
My dings and dents,
The places where paint has peeled,
And furniture has scuffed.
And honestly, I don’t mind.

Box of Promises

This piece was originally written in March of 2014, but it was an accurate reflection of my feelings at the time that I can still remember. 

I found your box today.
I opened it, for old times sake
I read a few of your letters.
Only one made me cry.

Your poetry was cheesy
But I know I why I loved it so
It came from your heart, but it wasn’t
The poetry that made me cry.

Your analogies were ridiculous
Comparing us to candy and drugs
But they were accurate, and yet I know
It wasn’t those that made me cry.

In one of the earliest letters
Written on pages from your journal
The red ink forever imbedded
And the last line on the last page
Your promise made me cry.

Meow

This piece I wrote a while ago, but I wanted to share it here as well. 

What could I learn from a cat?
How to prowl, growl, and climb
How to prance about, my tail held high
How to leap from countertop to couch

What could I learn from a cat?
The value of a well-placed nap
The fun in torturing the birds outside
The purring that begins at a touch

What could I learn from a cat?
Not to care what’s going on around me
Not to hold back from scratching people I don’t like
Not to mess with things that cause me pain

I could learn a lot from a cat.

First(ish) Time For Everything

Hello! My name is Rachel, and this is my personal blog!

I am planning on using this blog to publish some of my original poetry pieces, as well as a form of public journaling about my day to day life. I make it my goal to learn something new every day, and with my busy schedule, there is always plenty to learn.

I also hope to be able to pen my thoughts here along a new journey I want to start in my faith, and what better way to keep myself accountable than to commit to posting something once a week or so?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy my blog, and I always welcome any feedback and constructive criticism as well. My goal is to grow more than I ever have before, and I know this is not something I can do on my own terms. Thanks for reading!

Yours truly,
Rachel