Today is Registration Day. This is the day when all my anxieties culminate into the process of trying to get into classes I need to take next quarter. I have my browser window ready to click the “register” button as soon as the clock flips to 2:00 pm.
Why do I have an anxiety about this? Shouldn’t I be taking my time to get through college, and really, I’ve always got Spring quarter to finish out whatever I need. I suppose that that is true, ultimately, but as any person who went straight from high school to college knows, at some point, you reach a level of “doneness”. Because I have been in school every year since the age of 3 (not kidding…I was in a toddlers class, pre-school, and pre-kindergarten), I am now in what my youngest brother would quantify as 16th grade. I have been in school for 9 months out of about 18 of my 22 years, which calculates out to about 13.5 years actually in school (factoring in summer/winter breaks as non-school time). My point here is, my life up until this point has really revolved around school. And for the first time probably ever, I am looking at life without school in it, and I can smell the cookies baking from all the way upstairs. I want so badly to start my next chapter in life, especially as I am typing with a ring on my finger that becomes more and more natural every day. I realize that “real life” has its challenges too, but in my mind, at least these challenges are something new for me.
I know that there is a Bible verse that says that “God works everything in His own timing”, and while I understand the point of the passage taken figuratively, I think this is kind of a funny statement to make. God transcends time, so this verse seems (taken literally) like yet another human attempt at quantifying God into the box of things we can understand, one of those things being the concept of time. I guess it just makes me think about my present situation, and wonder “is this God’s timing, or my timing?” Could it be possible that it is both? I have a tendency to constantly look forward; when I was a child, I wanted to be a teenager, and when I finally reached that stage, all I wanted was to be an adult. Evennow, I see what is in front of me and I want nothing more than to be at that stage instead of where I am today. So I guess it follows logically that I may be confusing God’s timing with mine concerning the future, though I can clearly see where it was in the past. This also taps into my need to trust Him, because I know that He has been faithful in the past, so I can count on Him in the future, even if it means my plan is not the best.
So here I sit, crossing my fingers that my classes don’t fill up in the next hour, so that I can get in, and (hopefully) be done with this chapter in March, to be finalized in June. God-willing, of course.